by Roald Dahl
Each Saturday I shout “Hurray”
For that’s my pocket money day.
So after breakfast 50p
My generous father gave to me.
Like lightning down the road I ran
Until I reached the sweet-shop man,
And bought the chocolates of my dreams
A great big bag of raspberry creams.
There is a secret place I know
Where I quite often like to go,
Beyond the woods behind some rocks
A super place for guzzling chocs.
When I arrived I quickly found
A comfy looking little mound,
Quite clean and round and earthy brown
“Just right” , I thought, “for sitting down."
Here I will sit all morning long
And eat until my chocs are gone.
I sat, I screamed, I jumped a foot
Would you believe that I had put
That tender little rump of mine
Upon a GIANT porcupine.
My backside seemed to catch on fire,
A hundred red-hot bits of wire.
A hundred prickles sticking in
And puncturing my precious skin.
I ran for home, I shouted, “Mum,
Behold the prickles in my bum!”
My mum who always keeps her head
Bent down to look and then she said,
“I personally am not about
To try to pull those prickles out.
I think a job like this requires
The services of Mr. Meyers”.
I shouted, “Not the dentist, no
Oh mum! Won’t you have a go?”
I begged her twice, I begged her thrice
But grown-ups never take advice.
She said the dentist’s very strong,
“He pulls things out the whole day long”.
She rushed me quickly into town
And there they turned me upside down.
Upon the awful dentist’s chair
(While two strong nurses held me there).
Enter the dreaded Mr. Meyers
Waving a massive pair of pliers
“This is “, he cried with obvious glee,
“A new experience for me.
Quite honestly I can’t pretend,
I’ve ever pulled things from this end”
He started pulling one by one
Yelling, “My! Oh my, what fun!”
I shouted, “Help!” I shouted, “Ow”
He said, “It’s nearly over now.
For heaven’s sake don’t squirm about
Here goes, the last one’s coming out”.
The dentist pulled and out it came
And then I heard the man exclaim,
“Let us now talk about the fees
That will be 50 guineas please!”
My mother is a gutsy bird
And never one to mince a word.
She cried, “by gosh that’s jolly steep”
He said, “No, its very cheap.
My dear lady don’t you see
That if it hadn’t been for me,
This child would have gone another year
With prickles sticking in his rear”
So that was that, Oh what a day!
And what a fuss! But by the way,
I think I know why porcupines
Surround themselves with prickly spines.
It is to stop some silly clown
From squashing them by sitting down.
Don’t copy me, don’t be a twit,
Be sure to look before you sit!